Got another annoying e-mail chain letter? Consider the following as a response.

 Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly
diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being
kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not 
forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people 
who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6-year-old 
girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise 
enough money to have it  removed before her redneck parents sell her off 
to the traveling freak show.  

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone 
you send "his" email to $1000? How stupid are you? "Ooooh, looky here! 
If I  scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every 
Playboy model in  the magazine!" What a bunch of bullshit. 

So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there 
who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards.
Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and 
sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started 
by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on 
the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness 
Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly
amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and 
this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel
from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't care. Show a 
little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by
sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.
The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave
you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's 
funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about 
a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 
27 years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you 
forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right? 

Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your 
underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.

Posted 02/22/2005